Tag Archives: movies

No Rights for Non-Humans!

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last 20 years, you know of the arrival of the non-humans, the annexation of District 9 in South Africa, and slow-moving attempts to “safely assimilate” non-humans into human society and culture.No Rights for Non-Humans

This may all seem fine and dandy on the surface. However, there has been a growing movement to provide equal rights and opportunities to non-humans and to fully integrate them into Continue reading

J.J. Abrams and Star Trek… the Love and Hate of It

Longtime readers may recall my post about the new Star Trek movie from March of last year. Well, it only took a year, but I finally got to see which of my suggestions my good buddy J.J. took. Here is a quick review:

Kirk Defeats the Kobayashi Maru Scenario — We finally got to see Kirk do this. Very cool. Thumbs up Mr. Abrams!

Christopher Pike Does The Cage — No mention of Continue reading

The Return of Gort: This Time, He’s Not Letting “Barada Nikto” Get In His Way!

For fans of the 1951 sci-fi classic The Day the Earth Stood Still, the remake has been highly anticipated. But I get the feeling there aren’t too many fans out there, because the first time I saw the theatrical trailer a couple months ago I recall that I was the only person in the theater freaking out, screaming, “HOLY $#^! IT’S GORT!”

Gort teaser

Seeing that they brought Gort back temporarily numbed my disappoint from the fact that those fools at Twentieth Century Fox yet again decided to cast the worst actor in Hollywood as the star. I can only hope that Keanu Reeves doesn’t completely destroy the movie. Okay, okay. He was really awesome as Ted Logan, and apparently he can put butts in seats, so we’ll have to suffer until that changes (or he goes to acting school).

For those of you that want to be just blown away from seeing Gort for the first time when you actually go to see the movie, look away now.

A new trailer revealed Gort in all his glory:

Gort in all his glory

In the original, Gort was commanded to destroy the Earth in order to eradicate what some alien committee decided was a race of humans too dangerous to allow to continue living. Yeah… real civilized of them, eh?

Spoiler Alert!

As is the currently-cool Hollywood thing to do, the message of the new movie is that us humans are stupid and if we don’t pay attention to Al Gore (er… Al Gort?) and start driving smart cars, an alien race (or trees if you ask M. Knight) will come along and kill us all.

See, Al Gore really did deserve the Nobel Prize for Peace — his efforts might stop an alien invasion force of a single really cool robot from violently destroying all of mankind in a very non-peaceful manner!

In the remake, as far as I can tell, the alien committee decides that if humans are allowed to live, they’ll destroy the Earth. So in order to save the Earth, the aliens put out the extermination order on the human race. As Klaatu’s irrefutable logic puts it: “If the Earth dies, you die. If you die, the Earth lives.”

A more civilized race of aliens might instead offer to help humans clean up our act, but whatever.

At any rate, here is what the movie would be like if I were in charge of editing:

Day the Earth Stood Still short comic

Okay. Maybe I should leave movie making to the experts. If it turns out that they made the right pick in Keanu Reeves as the choice to play Klaatu, I’ll admit they are better at it than me.

Actors and Spongmonkeys — A Tribute to Elwon Bakly

I was speaking with my friend Elwon Bakly yesterday. Elwon, for those who don’t know, is one of the most talented actors the world has ever known! Well, he would be if the world knew of him.

This speaking with Elwon lead me to consider watching a movie he was in called The Basket. He plays a returning WWII vet who is one pissed mofo at the German Nazi basties who messed him up somethin’ fierce while he was trying to free Europe.

Anyway, so I logged in to my Netflix account to watch the trailer for it. That’s when I realized that I could watch the entire movie (well, the important parts anyway… the parts with Elwon in them) just from the trailer.

So to honor my friend Elwon, I decided to put together this Eltage… or Monwon? Er, I’ll just say Elwon montage. Thus, you can now enjoy the greatness of Elwon Bakly.

Elwon gets a Purple Heart

Angry Elwon

Attack of the Spongmonkeys

Just a Dream

So there you have it folks!

Now, Elwon normally plays comedic roles. However, The Basket is a drama, and Elwon has played the part of Jesus of Nazareth in the past. Nonetheless, if you want to waste your time watching the parts of the movie that don’t have Elwon, well, I guess I won’t hold it against you.