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Mr. Abrams, Don’t Screw It Up!

U.S.S. Enterprise

If you have any semblance of Star Trek love within you, then you know what the image above is from, and you already know that J.J. Abrams is currently directing the filming of Star Trek XI.

As a bit of a Trek fan myself (okay, a lot of a Trek fan) I thought I’d put in my two cents for a few things that I’d like to see. Since they are still filming, and Mr. Abrams and I are tight (in a cat and dog kind of way) I figured he would read this and say, “Good one Stu. Don’t worry, if there is only one person in this world I don’t want to disappoint, it’s you!”

J.J. Abrams with Stu

Now, we all know this takes place pre-five-year mission and at least some of it while Kirk is still a student at Starfleet Academy, so I hope you’re all up on your Star Trek history. Okay J.J. (that’s what I call him), don’t forget the following:

Kirk Defeats the Kobayashi Maru Scenario — If you don’t know what I’m talking about, turn in your Star Trek fan badge right now! The Kobayashi Maru scenario is a starship command simulation that all command-track Starfleet cadets were required to be tested on. The simulation is a no-win scenario (but the cadets don’t know this) designed to test how a cadet would handle the imminent loss of his/her ship and crew.

Oh, did I say no-win? Kirk is the only cadet to ever complete the simulation and come out alive. I want to see it happen! Watch The Wrath of Kahn to hear Kirk speak of how he defeated the Kobayashi Maru scenario.

Christopher Pike Does The Cage — I see that Christopher Pike will be in the movie. Let’s have him do some crazy shiz while commanding the Enterprise, or at least have him talk about his mission to Talos IV.

Robert April Does Something Cool — Robert April was the first commander (before Pike) of NCC-1701 (i.e. Enterprise). I don’t care what he does or how he does it, but it would just be really cool to have Enterprise’s very first commander on the show.

Kirk Gets Harassed by Sean Finnegan — You’ll remember Sean Finnegan from the Star Trek episode Shore Leave. Finnegan has appeared in the comic book and novels as well where he plays jokes on Kirk. Since Kirk describes his time at the Academy with Finnegan as “positively grim,” I would love to see Finnegan play a good practical joke on Kirk.

Guinan Works the Local Bar — So Guinan, played by Whoopi Goldberg in Star Trek TNG, has also appeared in the Star Trek Generations movie, living at the same time as Kirk. She has also appeared in a TNG episode where she is shown as being alive and living on Earth during the same time period that Mark Twain was alive. We therefore know that she could have been around and on Earth at the same time that Kirk was attending Starfleet Academy. Having her just appear in the background somewhere, having Scotty say, “Thanks for the drink, Guinan,” would be pretty cool.

Heck, let’s have Malcolm McDowell (who played a character of Guinan’s same race in Star Trek Generations) show up as well.

A Few of Stu’s Other Star Trek XI Thoughts

Eric Bana is playing a villain by the name of Nero. Here’s the thing. That sounds like it might be a Romulan’s name to me. The planet Romulus is almost certainly inspired by ancient Rome as the name of Romulus’ twin planet is Remus. Get it? Remus and Romulus are the twin brothers from Roman mythology who are said to have founded Rome.

But then, no human knows who or what the Romulans are until Kirk and crew (in the middle of their 5-year mission) run into a Romulan Bird of Prey and somehow manage to get a view of the ship’s bridge to see the Romulan crew (where we see the Romulan captain being played by Mark Lenard who would later play the role of Sarek, Spock’s father). So… I guess he can’t be a Romulan (unless he never reveals that fact) lest the Star Trek timeline gets completely jacked up.

Then again, IMDB shows actress Lucia Rijker as being credited with the role of “Romulan CO.” What the–?! Now listen here J.J. DON’T SCREW IT UP!

Winona Ryder plays Spock’s mother. Now that’s what I call one hot mama!

Simon Pegg (who I loved in Hot Fuzz) plays Scotty. Can he pull it off? I think so.

Johnny Cho plays “Don’t call me tiny” Sulu. I wonder if he’s gay? Naaaah!! Have you seen Harold and Kumar? Okay, maybe he is gay.

Christopher Doohan (son of James Doohan, who played the original Scotty), who has appeared as an engineer in at least one Star Trek movie, is rumored to be in it. Wonder what role he’ll play? Maybe another engineer.

The very proud Pavel Chekov has always been one of my favorite characters. IMDB lists the very young Anton Yelchin as playing the role of Chekov. Well, at least he’s an actual Russian.

If you haven’t seen it yet, take a look at the Star Trek XI teaser trailer at the Cold Leftovers entertainment blog.

Okay, that’s all for now. It’s way past my bedtime!