Tag Archives: humor

Nobody is THAT Stupid… Are They?

Machines take over the worldRemember the Family Guy episode where Peter accidentally locks his keys out of his car at the grocery store parking lot? He yells at passersby to hand him his keys which are lying on the ground just outside his car, but nobody helps him.

Something quite similar happened recently. Luckily the girl who locked herself in her car had a cell phone. That’s good because Continue reading

Actors and Spongmonkeys — A Tribute to Elwon Bakly

I was speaking with my friend Elwon Bakly yesterday. Elwon, for those who don’t know, is one of the most talented actors the world has ever known! Well, he would be if the world knew of him.

This speaking with Elwon lead me to consider watching a movie he was in called The Basket. He plays a returning WWII vet who is one pissed mofo at the German Nazi basties who messed him up somethin’ fierce while he was trying to free Europe.

Anyway, so I logged in to my Netflix account to watch the trailer for it. That’s when I realized that I could watch the entire movie (well, the important parts anyway… the parts with Elwon in them) just from the trailer.

So to honor my friend Elwon, I decided to put together this Eltage… or Monwon? Er, I’ll just say Elwon montage. Thus, you can now enjoy the greatness of Elwon Bakly.

Elwon gets a Purple Heart

Angry Elwon

Attack of the Spongmonkeys

Just a Dream

So there you have it folks!

Now, Elwon normally plays comedic roles. However, The Basket is a drama, and Elwon has played the part of Jesus of Nazareth in the past. Nonetheless, if you want to waste your time watching the parts of the movie that don’t have Elwon, well, I guess I won’t hold it against you.

Ninjas Make Me Cry

Why do ninjas make me cry you ask?

Is it because they appear in a choking black cloud of smoke to cover me in ninja throwing stars, then disappear while leaving me on the floor to suffer in great pain as I slowly bleed to death?

Or perhaps because they covertly conceal themselves silently in my bathroom waiting patiently for the perfect moment to strike me through the heart with their expertly crafted ninja sword as I relieve myself?

Is it for all the times a ninja has performed the “vibrating palm” death touch (or def touch for all you Bloodsport fans out there) on me, sending me to my grave only to then give me the life touch, pulling me back from heaven’s grasp?

Maybe it’s just because I feel so sorry for them because they have no sense of true style?

No… no, none of these is true. The real reason they make me cry is revealed in this image below.

Monkey Takes a Sip

Crying from laughter… shameful.

I Am Iron Man

It’s come to my attention that there are a lot of people out there claiming to be the man behind the iron mask. Well, I’m here to put all those rumors to rest. Conspiracy theorists need no longer concern themselves with what the real identity of Iron Man is. Donald Rumsfeld is NOT, in fact, Iron Man.

I had hoped I wouldn’t have to do this, but I’m just tired of other people taking credit for all my superheroing, world saving, cat-rescuing-out-of-trees and so forth. Yep, you guessed it. Iron Man is… ME! And here’s an actual, undoctored photo to prove it:

Stu’s First Comic Book

That’s me holding the very first comic book I ever bought, the May 1987 issue of Iron Man, purchased from a Safeway supermarket.

As you can see, the cover showed my demise. I had to check myself, because as far as I knew I was still quite intact. I had no choice but to purchase the comic book which was based on me. It was kind of weird having them call me Tony Stark and what not, but whatever. I guess they wanted to avoid getting sued by me.

Now, I know what you’re saying…

“Stu, how do we know you didn’t just create an Iron Man mask in your garage and put it on to fool us?”

Stu being escorted by F22 RaptorsTo that, I respond with this recent photo taken by the U.S. Military when I accidentally wandered into the air space over Area 51. My helmet was in the shop for repairs that day, so I just flew without it. And to answer your question before you ask it, yes I got a lot of bugs in my teeth that day.

Also, don’t forget to catch my movie coming out May 2nd. Unlike the comic book, I actually personally endorse it. Because, you know, me and director John Favreau are good pals. Maybe not as close as J.J. Abrams, but almost.