Tag Archives: 91

The Height of Stupidity (or fairly close to it)

As a general rule, crooks aren’t very bright. If they were, they wouldn’t be crooks. But there are a few smart ones that manage to not get thrown in the slammer. They are called politicians.

But you would think even the most vapid-minded criminal couldn’t possibly be this stupid. Now, I’m a California native, but I really like southerners (except for the ones that wear those huge white dunce caps). You may remember how I defended the honor of Miss Teen South Carolina when the rest of the country was making fun of her.

But then some idiot has to ruin it for southerners everywhere. A not-too-bright Georgia man attempted to open a bank account with a $1 million bill. Yes, you heard me right. The same $1 million bill that the treasury has never, ever printed.

Million Dollar BillThe teller refused to accept the bill. Now a brighter-than-your-average-crook person would, at this point, say, “Ha ha! Just kidding. Yeah, I mean, a million dollar bill. What idiot would actually think this thing is real? Funny joke, huh?”

But this guy was not that bright. After having his fake bill refused, the man had the audacity (er… I mean stupidity) to throw a fit! Once realizing the guy was actually serious, the bank teller called the cops. The cops showed up and hauled him off on charges of forgery. Then he was charged for a second count of forgery for the stolen check he had just used to buy the most valuable thing he could think of – cigarettes.

Unfortunately for New Englanders, this southerner was simply copying the arguably more stupid act of a Pittsburgh man who tried to pay for groceries with a million dollar bill, then flew into a rage when the grocery store didn’t have enough change.

My inside sources tell me that a highly advanced race of space aliens chose today to land and reveal themselves to us, but changed their minds after reading this story. I guess the aliens decided us humans aren’t quite ready for them. Thanks a lot stupid criminals!

Stupid Crook Holds Cell Phone for Ransom

You’ve heard of the Six Million Dollar Man. But what about the $185,000 cell phone?

A Columbia, PA man stole a woman’s cell phone and, despite being a normally very bright thief, then actually thought he could hold it ransom for six figures. The owner of the cell phone apparently is just a bit brighter than the crook however, managing to outmaneuver the ransomer with her deft negotiation skills, talking the crook down to $200.

Wow! I need to bring her with me next time I buy a car!

The crook, in a highly unusual fit of stupidity, agreed to meet the woman and make the exchange. Much to the crook’s surprise, the police just so happened to be hanging out at the agreed upon meeting place to arrest the cell-phone ransomer. Way to go boys in blue! Who says they’re never around when you need them?

Check out the full story.