Tag Archives: 87

Maybe I Should Go to Anger Management

So, first I’m pissed that my neighbor’s dog craps on my lawn. Then the next day, I want to run over a guy on a scooter. What is the world coming to… or perhaps I should be asking, “What is my mind coming to?”

I’m driving home for lunch one day. I pull up to a red traffic light behind two men sitting on two scooters. They are about 20 feet back from where they ought to be, so I am about to go around them and pull all the way to the front, rather than waiting so far back. Before I can, the light turns green.

As I prepare to go, the two men on their scooters are busy yakety-yakking with each other and don’t notice the green light, so I politely toot my horn at them. Just two very light touches of the horn.

One of the scooter boys turns to give me a dirty look before finally accelerating, traveling 20 feet before even entering the intersection. About a block before my turn off, the same scooter boy that gave me a dirty look begins slowing down, turns around and yells at me, throwing up his hand. I yell at him, “What?” but quickly realize that he can’t hear me because all my windows are rolled up.

I turn on my turn signal and move over to make my turn, at which point scooter boy flips me the bird.

I think to myself, “Well what the heck is his problem?” Then I realize how easy it would be for me to simply kill scooter boy by running him over with my car. I floor the accelerator and steer towards scooter boy. My car downshifts, the engine revs, and I begin to accelerate.

Just as I’m about to make contact with numb-nuts… er, I mean scooter boy, I realize that I actually need to get home and eat lunch. That and killing dip-smack would probably land me in jail. So at the last possible moment, I quickly slam on the brakes, yank the wheel, and skid into a turn to head home.

Now, setting aside the stupidity of an idiot riding with no helmet and flipping off other drivers, I figured — just for a moment — that this guy deserved to die. I mean, if you’re stupid enough to point a gun at a cop without reason, then you are probably too stupid to serve much purpose in life. I figured the same was true of nimrod. I don’t know nutwad from Adam, but man did I ever want to run him over!

Well, I got home and killed my neighbor’s dog. Um… no, I didn’t really kill my neighbor’s dog. I just fantasized about it.

So, what would you say? I anger too easily, or scooter boy shouldn’t be riding around flipping off drivers for no reason? The answer is probably both, but since I have no control over bat-for-brains, I should just realize he’s an idiot and not be mad about it.

Before you decide, let me just say that 10 years ago I would have followed him long enough to get his license plate, found out where he lived, then probably torch his scooter in the middle of the night. And just for fun, I’d beat him with a baseball bat or something. So you see, I’m getting better!