Tag Archives: 38

Berkeley Steps Over the Line

So I just heard that, if I’m hearing correctly, the City of Berkeley is trying to amend zoning laws to require military recruiters to obtain a permit and attend a public hearing if they wish to “locate within 600 feet of a residential neighborhood, hospital, school or park.”

Apparently Berkeley is worried about the national problem of pedophiles enlisting in the military and becoming recruiters.

Several protesters met just outside a Marine recruiting station, which I thought was really cool. In one fell swoop, the protesters get to conduct their protest and make known their desire to kick the Marines out of town, while at the same time thank the Marine Corps for fighting and dying to preserve their right to protest. It really touched my heart.

This has caused quite a stir, and I felt like I had to put in my two cents.

Berkeley's Naked GuyOkay Berkeley, we let you get away with “naked guy” once. But don’t think for a second we’ll allow it again! Look, nobody wants to see naked men running around town. The Marines must stay in order to prevent any other men from becoming foolhardy enough to take their clothes off in public again!


The Other Side of “Don’t Tase Me Bro!”

So “Don’t tase me bro!” was the #1 phrase of 2007. That’s great and all, but as somebody who writes for a living, what I really wanted to know was what phrases were at the bottom of the list?

Why do I want to know you ask?

I once read that the best way to get people to your blog is to write about stuff that is highly controversial and/or polarizing. By doing so, every crazy person on the planet will converge on your blog and you can just sit back and watch the blood fly!

George Clooney's perfect storm of moviesSo I figure, “Hey, if I use the most hated phrases in the world on my blog, maybe I’ll catch me a few new readers to add to the three or so (including me) that I already have!”

Sweet plan, eh? Luckily some other guy that writes for a living did the research so I could steal it from him.

So get ready for some blood, because you are about to experience a perfect storm surge of post 9/11 decimation where wrong is the new right!

Webinar – Look, I’ve participated in and helped manage several webinars in my time. So to this I say, “Shove it up your —” well, you know.

X is the New Y – I have to contribute this to doctors. Who else but people who know everything (otherwise, how could they have gotten a doctorate?) could have come up with something so witty? I say that college drop outs are the new geniuses.

Not everything is organic!Organic — This is on the list not so much for it’s stupidity, but for it’s overuse. Since I work in online marketing, where we use the term “organic” to refer to natural search engine results, I have to agree with this one. Look, there’s nothing organic about computer programs! That doesn’t happen until the 24th century.

Decimate – I know what you’re thinking. To decimate means to utterly and completely destroy. Wrong! You can thank the news media, who supposedly know what they are talking about, for confusing your understanding of this word. “Deci” is one tenth (think decimeter), and decimate originally meant to take one tenth of something. But today it means to destroy most, but not all, of something.

Maybe it has it’s origins from Australia? If you destroy nine-tenths of a mate, you are left with one-tenth of a mate, or a deci-mate. Maybe the media should start using the term “decamate,” which I hereby declare means to completely destroy 10 times over. Now that’s what I call a perfect storm of destruction!

Post 9/11 – Uh, I’m not sure why this made the list. How are we supposed to refer to the time frame in which Thankgiving, Hannukah, Christmas, and that fraud of a holiday Kwanzaa as? Post 11/3? I don’t think so.

Popeye the SailormanSweet – Sweet! Hey, how come “dude” didn’t make the list? DUDE! Along the same lines, “It is what it is,” a distorted form of “I yam what I yam,” made the list too. What, nobody’s a fan of Popeye?

Wordsmithing — No, wordsmithing is not what I do… BECAUSE IT’S NOT A WORD!

Check out more phrases that made the list.