Can I Get a Hand?

Sometimes people think it’s funny to make fun of my disability. A common smart remark has been, “Can I get a hand?” Those kind of people are either just not very bright, or incredibly insensitive. I don’t find a single thing funny about being disabled in any way.

The good news is I might not have to put up with insensitive stupid f*@ks like that my entire life. Thanks to modern medicine and improved battlefield medical practices, survival rates of injured combat veterans is on the rise. Problem is many of those surviving are losing limbs. As such the military has taken a serious interest in growing arms and legs.

Darpa has invested a large sum of money into limb-regeneration research. With any luck they might be able to grow me a new arm before I turn 90.

I’m not quite sure what I would do if I had both arms working again. I think the first thing I might do is take a piss and brush my teeth at the same time. Ooh ooh, wait… I’ll put both contact lenses in at the same time!

No wait, how about I… any ideas?

4 thoughts on “Can I Get a Hand?

  1. Mikal

    Meadow beat me to it, so how bout:

    Smack both Ryan and Eric upside the head at the same time, just for grins and giggles (and/or Clark and Jared).

  2. Captain Kid

    I was thinking you might want to give someone the “double deuce.” Also, I was wondering if you can clarify why you took the “ol” out of “folks.” I mean, it’s really not all that offensive.


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