I’m Converting to Islam

I mean, why shouldn’t I? A stark mad raving lunatic (otherwise known as al-Zawahri) has invited me to convert.

And heck, he even got some piece of *#@! American traitor named Gadahn to yada-yada about how great it is to run around killing his fellow Americans, oppressing women, fantasizing about having 72 submissive virgins and young boys as sex slaves, eternal erections, and so forth.

Which leads me to wonder: what is the reward for a faithful woman of Islam? As far as I can tell, there is no motivation whatsoever for females anywhere to be Muslim.

Well, I was about to make the conversion when I discovered that my heavenly reward is actually just a bowl of raisins.

Poor Gadahn. All that work for a handful of shriveled up grapes. Speaking of shriveled up, I expect he’ll also be disappointed that his “eternal erection” will only last a week at best (and will no doubt be incredibly painful), at which point the whole thing becomes gangrenous and falls off.

Convert to Islam? Mmmmm… thanks for the invitation crazy-person al-Zawahri and traitor Gadahn. But I don’t like raisins, and I like my *ahem* just the way it is.

3 thoughts on “I’m Converting to Islam

  1. StuTheWise

    Crap! I missed that part. Raisins that taste like filet mignon. Hmm…

    Well, it’s too late now. I’ve already burned the bridge between me and my Islam recruiter. *sigh*

    Reply
  2. Pingback: Stu the Wise More Trusted Than Phillip Morris… Barely

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