Does Anybody Read This?

Well, I can say that my coworker and… well, yeah, I’ll call him a friend, though not a “good” friend. I reserve that for people who bring me really yummy foods to my house. Anyway, my friend and coworker Buck doesn’t read this, so I’m gonna talk about him here. BWAH HAHAHA!

In fact, how about a comparison of myself to him? Here are several reasons why I’m better than him:

  1. I’m half Asian, half European, so I get the best of two worlds.
  2. I’m not from that heck hole known as Ogden. Boo Raptors!
  3. I’m a California native.
  4. I served in the military… sort of. Hey, at least I tried!
  5. With a standard issue M-16 A2 rifle, I can repeatedly and consistently hit a man from 500 yards, no scope, no bipod or other accessory support.
  6. I can do one-armed push ups, and have been able to since I was a teenager.
  7. I did 20 pullups once (the first 14 without stopping). I could have done more, but since it was for the military, and points gained maxed out at 20, I didn’t see any point in continuing.
  8. Buck is cool, but I’m super-duper cool!
  9. Despite his lies to the contrary, I coined the term “biz op”.
  10. Star Trek RULES!
  11. I am a fun box, Buck is a “freesource center”.
  12. Buck admitted, though facetiously, that I am cool.
  13. When I attempt to speak Cantonese, I sound like a 2-year-old (according to Buck). Hey, that’s pretty dang cool isn’t it?
  14. I have posted a minimum of 3 posts per month to my blog since starting it — save for “Black November” when I posted none.
  15. I am full of anger and hatred, whereas Buck only pretends to be.
  16. I have been formally trained and desensitized to kill other humans.
  17. I quit drinking years ago.

Ah crap, I’ll be here all week long if I don’t stop now! So there you have it. And for anybody that’s thinking about running off and telling Buck that he needs to read my blog… well, let’s just say your death is likely to be very slow and excrutiatingly painful. I mean, I’m just guessing about that. I’m not psychic or anything, I’m just saying that, you know, if you were to tell Buck. I don’t know, your death, when it comes, not to say it would be soon or anything, but if it did happen to be soon, it would probably be a very long and unpleasant experience. But, not that I would actually know for sure, I’m just saying. You know?

Edit:
Friends of Buck, don’t think that I’m saying Buck’s a bad guy… I’m just saying that I’m better.


tribute to Buck, the Dread Pirate

3 thoughts on “Does Anybody Read This?

  1. StuTheWise

    Crap. I just realized this morning that Buck has subscribed to my RSS feed.

    If you read this Buck, just remember that sweet IM picture I made for you!

    Reply
  2. Captain Kid

    You know Stu, I hate to say it, but your post sounds a little insecure. I mean, who are you trying to convince anyway? There’s only one sure way to know if you are cooler than Buck and I think you know what that is…
    Yes, you guessed it. You must consult the Ask Jeeves Mystical Orb.

    Reply

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