How to Save $93 Million Tax Payer Dollars

So with all the talk about tough economic times and the government spending money like the end of the world is nigh upon us, I pondered ways for the government to save money.

Some of the ideas included things like buying hammers for $12 at Home Depot instead of $12,000 from the guy with the lucrative government contract. But I think my best idea came when I discovered a way to save taxpayers $93,090,000 per year.

That’s what you might call “life changing money.”

We have 535 members of Congress (100 senators and 435 members of the House of Representatives) that supposedly are representing us, the people. They each receive a salary of $174,000. I propose that we fire all members of Congress, and hire just three people to represent the whole of the United States:

One to represent Republican special interests, another to represent Democratic special interests, and an Independent to be a tie breaker for the three or so policies that the two major parties actually (pretend to) disagree on. We won’t pay them of course. The lobbyists will do that. The independent representative kinda gets screwed in all of this, but hey, it’s for the good of his/her country!

And, if you actually get rid of all the people who work for those congressmen, well, you’re saving a lot more than $93 million. But hey, we don’t want to put too many overpaid people out of work, do we? We can just give the three representatives thousands of assistants as a perk.

So, what could we as a country do with that extra $93,000,000? I’ve got a few ideas:

  • Buy 150 additional Tomahawk Missiles for the war on the oil barons… er, I mean terror
  • Equip Michelle Obama’s 22 assistants with a fleet of Bugatti Veyrons, a private island, and a couple of yachts
  • Congress recently put the kibosh on F-22 production — $93 mil is enough to buy two-thirds of an F-22, the coolest plane EVER! You never know when you might need most of an extra one lying around… maybe for spare parts
  • Put it towards a Cash for Clunker Houses program — trade in your environmentally unfriendly house for a new “green” house and get a $50,000 government bonus
  • Pay off 1 hour and 23 minutes worth of interest on the national debt
  • Give it all to Stu so he can attempt to double the amount via his gambling exploits — $93 million on black please!

I like the last option the best. Any other ideas?

One thought on “How to Save $93 Million Tax Payer Dollars

  1. Stu

    I just thought of something else we can do! Give 93 welfare moms $1 million each, then take bets on how long it will take each of them to be back on welfare again.

    With the right odds maker, the country ought to be able to at least get a 10x return on the money. Of course, then we’ll have to figure out what to do with $930 million.


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