FaceBook Friend Crushes — Is Someone Hot for You?

The cool thing about social networking sites like FaceBook is that it gives crazy people a whole new way to stalk you. Nothing says “FaceBook success story” like having your very own cyber stalker.FaceBook Stalker

But don’t worry. Usually it just means that somebody has a crush on you. And if you are totally hot for them, well, how do you figure out for sure that it’s safe to make an advance and move things forward?

If you find yourself with such a question, you’ll be happy to learn that, through years of highly scientific research, I have discovered the secret to knowing whether a FaceBook friend is hot for you. The formula is quite complex, so try to keep up.

The first part of the formula looks something like this:

U > 70%

In this case, “U” equals “percent of your FaceBook updates a user comments on.” In layman’s terms, if someone comments on more than 70% of your updates, then they might be a cyber stalker that has the hots for you.

The second part of the formula looks like this:


In this case, the user from the first part of the formula also comments on a specific FaceBook update, “A”, which reads, “I just passed gas.”

Got it? I know it’s complex, so let me see if I can’t dumb it down for you.

If a FaceBook “friend” comments on more than 70% of your updates, including the one where you say, “I just passed gas,” then that person is totally hot for you.

I’ll be publishing this earth-shattering study in the APA journal American Psychology pretty soon.

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