Overcoming the Awkwardness of Sex Ed with Your Kids

So I’ve recently had “the talk” with my tween daughter. You know… the birds, the bees and the thing about how the queen bee hooks up with the drones at the local bee bar and gets an STD because she was sleeping around with strange drones and not using protection? Yeah. It’s a little uncomfortable. But definitely necessary, especially these days.

Remember back to your sex education talks with your parents? I thought not. Most people from my generation didn’t discuss that kind of stuff with their parents. Some of us turned out okay, others… well, we got some strange answers to our questions about the big naughty.

That’s part of the reason I felt it was so important for me to get over my own discomfort on the subject and have the chat with my kids when they got old enough, and make sure I keep an open dialogue with them throughout. I have a friend whose sex ed consisted of his mother leaving the encyclopedia out, opened to the “sex” entry. I suppose if that’s the best you can do, then the modern equivalent would be to hit up HealthGuru.com and leave your computer open to their sex health page.

One way or another, your kids are going to learn about sex. Whether they get honest, truthful information or the weird crap that our generation got through the grapevine is up to you.

You hear the one about how you can’t get pregnant your first time as long as you’re laying on your back? It’s gone through a bit of a twist. My daughter told me that she heard you can’t get pregnant until you’ve had sex at least 4 times. Yikes!

Short Skirts Cause Pregnancy!

I remember being 10 or so and hearing that if a girl didn’t have sex during her period, she would die. Sounds absolutely crazy, I know, but to a 10 year old who doesn’t know any different, I was just like, “Wow!”

And what about getting STD’s. My understanding back in the day was that only guys could get HIV and only by having anal sex with another guy. Oh boy… that’s some dangerous (lack of) knowledge!

Here’s another good one. Every time you masturbate, your yang curves a little more. Boy if that were true, every guy in the world would have something shaped like a snail shell down there. We’d also all be blind!

Semen is red, douching afterwards is as effective as abstinence, urinating afterwards would prevent pregnancy, you can only get pregnant doing it “doggy” style… all untrue, but believed by many in my youth.

What are some of the oddest ideas you were given regarding sex growing up? This ought to be good for a laugh!

4 thoughts on “Overcoming the Awkwardness of Sex Ed with Your Kids

  1. Richard

    The father:
    - What did you do last vacation with the daughter of the holiday camp leader? Did you remember?
    The son:
    - With that hot blonde? Yes.
    The father:
    - OK. The birds and the bees do the same.

  2. Aaron V

    I remember sex ed in high school. The high school coach was the teacher (brilliant). I remember him saying that AIDS originated from an african tribe that got “a little too close to the monkeys.” Apparently green monkeys are the culprit.

  3. Amy Piggott

    I remember when I was 6 and my mom and I were watching Funniest Home Videos. THE BEST! And, like always, a father and son were playing baseball in the back yard, and what happens? The dad gets hit in the junk by the ball! Happens every time. And yes, it’s still funny! Well right after the dad gets hit, I yell in my 6 year old innocence… OH! he got hit in the nuts!! What ensued?? The penis/vagina sex talk from my mom to a six year old. Old enough may be the key term you used above… haha I’m not sure what the effect knowing what sex was at 6 years old had on me, but hell I’m not sure if it was good!!

  4. Stu

    Nice! Yeah, I know some parents have the birds and bees talk when their kids are young, and then they say, “So you’ll NEVER have sex, right?” Of course at that age you think it’s disgusting and you wouldn’t even dare touch the opposite sex due to the possibility of getting cooties and whatnot.

    Your story reminds me of when I was, oh, 12 or so, the age at which guns have a tendency to, uh… chamber a bullet against one’s will. Anyway, I shared a room with my brother who, at the dinner table with the entire family there blurts out of the blue, “Man, Stu had a boner!”

    I almost choked to death while my mother laughed hysterically.


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