Death to Daylight Savings: Stu’s Greatest Hits

Every year we go through the torture of “springing forward” in order to… what? Partake in congress’ brilliant energy savings plan? Have more time to partake in leisurely activities? Tell Benjamin Franklin, “Ha! The joke’s on you!”

All I know is that Arizona, Hawaii, and the Hopi Nation are all smarter than the rest of the U.S.

During the first couple of months that we switched to daylight savings time, I ranted about it via Twitter. Here is a replay of my hateful tweets for those of you that missed them (all time stamps are MDT):

Off to bed. What the–?! It’s after midnight? Damn you daylight savings! Damn you to hell!
00:30 March 9

Dear daylight savings, may Charon kick you out of his ferry into the River Styx on your way to Hades!
09:46 March 12

After seeing your reign of terror on Earth, Hades would never allow you into his abode anyway #daylightsavings
09:50 March 12

Friday the 13th, you ain’t got nothing on #daylightsavings
10:32 March 13

#DaylightSavings may you reach sheol long before I, that I may enjoy at least part of my mortal life without you.
10:54 March 16

If #daylightsavings looks up and sees the face of Osirus, it will know it has arrived in its proper place.
09:30 March 17

If #daylightsavings were to arrive in Gre’Thor today, it would not be soon enough. #klingonafterlife
09:41 March 18

Kronos finds no honor in waking the dead an hour early! The Fields of Elysium you shall never see #daylightsavings
09:44 March 19

If #daylightsavings somehow found itself in the great halls of Valhalla, Odin would think that Ragnarök was upon him and death near.
10:09 March 20

Why is it snowing?! I blame you #daylightsavings
09:39 March 23

The sins of #daylightsavings are so great, it should be doomed to spend eternity in Naraka. But even Yama could not tolerate it for long.
10:02 March 24

Just realized all my bashing of #daylightsavings is probably what’s causing me to sleep in so much. #thesecret
09:49 March 25

Morning cloud cover+snow+fog=you should drive with your lights on. Thanks #daylightsavings for tricking drivers into not turning on lights!
09:33 March 26

Just learned that Wal-Mart is spending $40 million to develop and promote their online presence. Screw you #daylightsavings!
09:59 March 27

At one point, my sister told me that she doubted daylight savings had anything to do with the fact that it was snowing in the middle of March. I refuted that idea, and pointed her to this brilliant observation that showed daylight savings was also responsible for causing several years of drought:

Daylight Savings Causes Droughts

Hmm… I wonder. Is there any way we can blame daylight savings for global warming? Are you kidding? Daylight savings can be blamed for EVERYTHING!

So it has been said, so shall it be done.

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