The Return of Gort: This Time, He’s Not Letting “Barada Nikto” Get In His Way!

For fans of the 1951 sci-fi classic The Day the Earth Stood Still, the remake has been highly anticipated. But I get the feeling there aren’t too many fans out there, because the first time I saw the theatrical trailer a couple months ago I recall that I was the only person in the theater freaking out, screaming, “HOLY $#^! IT’S GORT!”

Gort teaser

Seeing that they brought Gort back temporarily numbed my disappoint from the fact that those fools at Twentieth Century Fox yet again decided to cast the worst actor in Hollywood as the star. I can only hope that Keanu Reeves doesn’t completely destroy the movie. Okay, okay. He was really awesome as Ted Logan, and apparently he can put butts in seats, so we’ll have to suffer until that changes (or he goes to acting school).

For those of you that want to be just blown away from seeing Gort for the first time when you actually go to see the movie, look away now.

A new trailer revealed Gort in all his glory:

Gort in all his glory

In the original, Gort was commanded to destroy the Earth in order to eradicate what some alien committee decided was a race of humans too dangerous to allow to continue living. Yeah… real civilized of them, eh?

Spoiler Alert!

As is the currently-cool Hollywood thing to do, the message of the new movie is that us humans are stupid and if we don’t pay attention to Al Gore (er… Al Gort?) and start driving smart cars, an alien race (or trees if you ask M. Knight) will come along and kill us all.

See, Al Gore really did deserve the Nobel Prize for Peace — his efforts might stop an alien invasion force of a single really cool robot from violently destroying all of mankind in a very non-peaceful manner!

In the remake, as far as I can tell, the alien committee decides that if humans are allowed to live, they’ll destroy the Earth. So in order to save the Earth, the aliens put out the extermination order on the human race. As Klaatu’s irrefutable logic puts it: “If the Earth dies, you die. If you die, the Earth lives.”

A more civilized race of aliens might instead offer to help humans clean up our act, but whatever.

At any rate, here is what the movie would be like if I were in charge of editing:

Day the Earth Stood Still short comic

Okay. Maybe I should leave movie making to the experts. If it turns out that they made the right pick in Keanu Reeves as the choice to play Klaatu, I’ll admit they are better at it than me.

8 thoughts on “The Return of Gort: This Time, He’s Not Letting “Barada Nikto” Get In His Way!

  1. BobG

    I don’t really see the point in remaking it; too many times remakes are just a vehicle for someone with no creativity to bang out a movie. And too many of them aren’t as good as the original. Just because we have better special effects and such doesn’t mean the movie will be better, there IS something called writing involved. From what I can tell, this one is just being used as someone’s platform from which to preach.
    Just my opinion.

    Reply
  2. Stu

    Agreed Bob! Certainly I’ve noticed an increasing trend toward more and more brainless movies. Lots of explosions, lots of killing, lots of fights and car chases (which, mind you, none of these are bad in and of themselves). No sensible plot. No mind-blowing story to tell. And definitely no creativity involved. No brain activity required.

    The problem is the public is eating it up. I can’t get any of my friends to go with me to any movie that requires any form of thinking to understand what’s going on.

    Reply
  3. Stu

    Wendy, I am astonished at how many movies Segal has out there! And yes, we have had the Keanu Reeves debate before. He is certainly a major point of contention among many movie goers.

    Though I will say this (I was going to blog this Friday night, but just never got to it) — Keanu had a couple of promising scenes in The Day the Earth Stood Still. There may be hope for him yet.

    My wife likes him too, and thought he was awesome in his latest movie, so we had a discussion about how much we disagreed with each other on that.

    Love Brad Pitt, agree with you on Clooney. My #1 actor though? Gotta be Johnny Depp. A few other faves of mine are Mos Def (who we don’t see very often), Will Smith (which, to be honest, really surprises me), Jamie Foxx has shown some diversity in his skills, Heath Ledger (which I don’t like admitting, but he was great in Four Feathers and after Batman… how can you not give him props?)… well, the list goes on.

    Reply
  4. Wendy

    Stu, we’ve had this Keanu Reeves conversation before. Keanu is fan-freaking-tastic. He looks awesome his acting is perfectly fine, not better or worse than anyone else out there. Overacting spittle-spewing Al Pacino, smirking George Clooney, obnoxious JACK BLACK…. they’re all the same in every movie they make. Keanu isn’t any different than them. None of them have the range of say Brad Pitt (who really is an amazing actor), or even Colin Farrell, both of whom can play dangerous villains, smart ass pretty boys, or low-IQ thugs. But Keanu is neither here nor there, not better or worse than many of his peers.

    That said, I do totally agree with you on the mindless trend in movies. The cost of going to the theater is simply outrageous; if these movies would go straight to DVD I’d have an easier time accepting them for what they are, shere entertainment, nothing deep, like a Steven Segal flick (who makes a movie every year, all of which go directly to DVD). But when these lame plot movies are released in major theaters at $9 a ticket, I expect much more. They’re killing movie theaters is what they’re doing.

    Reply
  5. Wendy

    Correction: Stevan Segal fan Buck just told me Segal makes 3-4 straight to DVD movies a year. We think Segal is hilarious, but then, we’re not looking for an Oscar-winning performance from him.

    And I should have added Tommy Lee Jones to the list of actors who acts exactly the same in every movie he’s in. He had no more range than, well, Steven Segal. :)

    Reply
  6. Wendy

    Johnny Depp has got to be one of the most appealing actors out there. He’s just so likable, steals every scene he’s in. Jamie Foxx, yes, and Will Smith is another favorite of mine. Heath Ledger I’ve always liked, but in Batman I thought he was good but not as chilling as I’d hoped he’d be.

    But let me talk a moment about Bruce Willis. Bruce Willis is a great actor and doesn’t get enough credit. From “Pulp Fiction” to “12 Monkeys” his range is just fantastic. “The Fifth Element”, “The Sixth Sense”! Oh I loved “The Sixth Sense”! My gosh we just love Bruce Willis and the way he surprises us in everything he does. I thought he had the best role in “Death Becomes Her”, which was kind of a crappy movie, really. And he even does tiny bit parts with no screen credit like in “Ocean’s 12″. He rocks, and people always seem to forget about him. :evil:

    Reply
  7. Pingback: Stu the Wise More Trusted Than Phillip Morris… Barely

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