No More Dirty Little Secrets

So my fellow blogger, Girl in the Crosswalk, had this great idea to create a list of dirty secrets. It seemed like a pretty therapeutic idea, so I decided to steal her idea and create one of my own!

Now, to all three (or so) people that read my blog, don’t even think about visiting Girl in the Crosswalk unless you are going to be nice! That said, here is my own laundry list of dirty little secrets:

1. I was born with a natural ability to shoot guns accurately. I was my platoon’s top marksman in boot camp. My shooting instructor told me the first day he met me, “You are one hell of a good shot, you know that recruit?” I tell people I love guns because shooting is something I’m good at, and I like to show off my skill. The truth is, I’m just keeping myself prepared for the end of the world when I’ll have to shoot all the crazy people trying to come and steal my sweet 70″ HDTV – which I haven’t bought yet, but will someday.

2. I have this crazy desire within me to raid drug houses and steal all their money and guns. Seems like a great way to make a living, don’t you think?

3. I think Rocky Road ice cream is nasty. But in my defense, I love chocolate and peanut butter ice cream!

4. My youngest son, who is currently five, has turned out to have a very logical-thinking mind, yet at the same time he is quite creative. I’ve decided to start preparing him to become a dancing astrophysicist when he grows up. It’s what I would like to be, so I’ll precariously live my dream through him.

5. I love cats, so I went down to the local Humane Society and adopted a couple of them. About two days later, I learned to hate cats. But I still love my cats… I just wish they would stop shedding, crapping, and barfing all over the place.

6. Starship Troopers is one of my favorite movies. Yeah, I know. The directing sucked and the acting was cheesy. But man, I just LOVED it!

7. I’m a lazy bastie. Oh wait, that’s not really much of a secret.

What the–?!8. Even though I’m half Filipino, I used to want to join the KKK – which I’m pretty sure I could accomplish being that I look totally white (unlike the KKK member in the photo… what the–?!) – because I think those big dunce cap lookin’ things they wear are totally stylish and awesome looking!

9. After meeting a few KKK members, I realized they are a bunch of numbnuts, so now I want to join them because I know I’d be the smartest guy there.

I remember seeing the following headline on Yahoo! Magazine many years ago: “On the Internet, you can be a dog and nobody will know.”

Which leads me to the biggest secret of my life…

I might be a dog!

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