The “Other” One-Armed Guy

The building where I work has several other companies in it. One of those companies has another one-armed fellow working for them.

Ok, I know I’m technically not one-armed. But being that my right arm has been paralyzed for the last 10 years, I have a pretty good idea of what life is like for those that truly are one armed.

Anyway, I pull up to work this morning and see the “other” one-armed guy pulling a computer tower out of his truck and carry it to the building entrance.

As we pull up, my wife says something to the effect of, “Whoa!”, to which I respond, “He’ll get no sympathy from me.”

To begin with, I know he doesn’t want my sympathy. And secondly, I’m a bit of a computer geek. I’ve attended many LAN parties that have required me to haul my computer around town and carry it through doors and what not.

I could have easily opened the door while carrying a computer tower. This fellow, however, didn’t appear too experienced in the ways of the “oned-armed computer carry”. He struggled at the doorway. Given enough time, I’m sure he would have managed to get through the door.

However, I’ve learned that life is tough enough. It’s fairly rare anybody offers to get the door for me, even when it’s painfully obvious that I’m struggling to get through. Sometimes I feel certain that there are some sickos on the other side laughing at me. Then after what seems to be several hours (time slows to a crawl when you feel like you’re making an embarassment of yourself) I get through the door and realize they’re not laughing, but rather just ignoring me. After 10 years, you get used to it.

Anyway… understanding that, although this gentleman would’ve eventually been able to figure things out himself, I know that it would just be a whole lot easier on him if somebody just offered to get the door for him. So I ran up to the door and grabbed it for him. The guy actually said “Thank you.”

Not really a surprise, but nice to hear considering the number of times I’ve held the door for somebody, only to be nearly run down and sneared at by the very person I’m holding the door for.

I give this prediction now. Because of the utter rudeness of able-bodied persons, my one-armed comrade and I will undoubtedly see the fall of the two-armed race and we will come to RULE THE WORLD!!!

Okay, maybe that was just a dream I had once. Don’t think that I hate you just because you’re able bodied. I only hate the ones that I don’t like.

And no, I didn’t lie when I said, “He’ll get no sympathy from me.” I just got the door him. A common courtesy that is being lost in the world.

The point of my big long post? Next time somebody holds the door for you, have the courtesy to say “thanks”. Otherwise they might do what I like to do, which is release the door when the person is part way through so it slams them right in the butt! BWAH HA HA HA! Arrr… that’s entertainment.

3 thoughts on “The “Other” One-Armed Guy

  1. StuTheWise

    Ok ok… a colleague of mine got upset for not giving him credit regarding a gift he gave me.

    I was recently presented with a LAN carrier, which is a handy, over-the-shoulder carrier for computer towers.

    So, in reparations: THANK YOU RANDY!

  2. Captain Kid

    Oh sure, thank Randy and just leave me out of it. You know he offered the carrier to me first and I said, “No, give it to Stu cause he actually goes to LAN parties.” Hmph! You a fine one to talk about common courtesy and proper use of “Thank Yous.”

    When all you one-arm-ers rule the world I wanna know who’s gonna…um… do (insert something that you absolutely must have two arms to do cause I can’t think of anything right now) for ya! Ha! Good luck you fetchers.

  3. StuTheWise


    Thank you Captain Kid (real name withheld for reasons of national security).

    Thank you Ryan for the pretzels (even though I hate pretzels).

    Thank you Neal for not having anything for me to thank you for.

    Thank you Ruth for the cookie… (oops, I wasn’t supposed to keep that a secret)

    Thank you Mike for not firing me.

    Thank you Triumvirate for being THE AWESOMEST GUYS EVER!

    Thank you turkey for being yummy in my tummy.

    Anybody else I owe thanks to, YOU CAN SHOVE IT! BWAH HA HA HA!!!


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