The Height of Stupidity (or fairly close to it)

As a general rule, crooks aren’t very bright. If they were, they wouldn’t be crooks. But there are a few smart ones that manage to not get thrown in the slammer. They are called politicians.

But you would think even the most vapid-minded criminal couldn’t possibly be this stupid. Now, I’m a California native, but I really like southerners (except for the ones that wear those huge white dunce caps). You may remember how I defended the honor of Miss Teen South Carolina when the rest of the country was making fun of her.

But then some idiot has to ruin it for southerners everywhere. A not-too-bright Georgia man attempted to open a bank account with a $1 million bill. Yes, you heard me right. The same $1 million bill that the treasury has never, ever printed.

Million Dollar BillThe teller refused to accept the bill. Now a brighter-than-your-average-crook person would, at this point, say, “Ha ha! Just kidding. Yeah, I mean, a million dollar bill. What idiot would actually think this thing is real? Funny joke, huh?”

But this guy was not that bright. After having his fake bill refused, the man had the audacity (er… I mean stupidity) to throw a fit! Once realizing the guy was actually serious, the bank teller called the cops. The cops showed up and hauled him off on charges of forgery. Then he was charged for a second count of forgery for the stolen check he had just used to buy the most valuable thing he could think of – cigarettes.

Unfortunately for New Englanders, this southerner was simply copying the arguably more stupid act of a Pittsburgh man who tried to pay for groceries with a million dollar bill, then flew into a rage when the grocery store didn’t have enough change.

My inside sources tell me that a highly advanced race of space aliens chose today to land and reveal themselves to us, but changed their minds after reading this story. I guess the aliens decided us humans aren’t quite ready for them. Thanks a lot stupid criminals!

One thought on “The Height of Stupidity (or fairly close to it)

  1. Life With Buck

    Sadly, I don’t find this hard to believe. What I do find hard to believe is just how many deeply stupid people there are in the world. The truly stupid ones I’ve met — and I’m not talking uneducated, because education has nothing to do with intelligence — are dangerous. They somehow get their driver’s license and are out there on the road, they reproduce at an alarming rate, and seem to spend their days spreading stupidness around. They even get into college somehow. As an example, when my daughter was in college she and a friend were approached by a fellow student on a Friday night, a girl who asked what they were doing. Ever the sarcastic one, my daughter said, “We were just about to go outside and smoke some crack, wanna come?” And the girl said, quite seriously, “Sure. I’ve never tried crack before, but I’m game.” This girl was an early education major, and it was five years ago so I’m sure she has a teaching job by now. If she’s still alive.


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