My Life Has Been Threatened Yet Again

Why you ask? Because somebody has been offended by my writing? Because I killed the dog that craps on my lawn and the owner wants vengeance? Because I killed somebody and now their son has sworn to avenge his father’s death?

Actually, it’s because I’ve been hit with the blog equivalent of a chain letter, thanks to Wendy of the Life with Buck blog. Now, you know I hate chain letters, but my life is on the line here. Apparently if I don’t do this, I’ll be cast into the pit of Carkoon, nesting place of the all-powerful Sarlacc; where, in his belly, I’ll find a new definition of pain and suffering as I am slowly digested over a thousand years – or I’ll meet some other unpleasurable demise.

In this case, I must write seven factoids about myself, then tag seven other bloggers with the same task. Hmm… this seems eerily reminiscent. Here we go:

  1. I have a strange habit of half-heartedly trying to locate people from my past. For example, I’ve been trying to find one of my drill instructors for years. Not because I want to call or write him (after turning thousands of boys into Marines, there’s no way he’d ever remember me), but just because I’m curious to know how he’s faired in life. He was one of the meanest drill instructors I ever ran across, but was also the one I respected the most. He is hard core, and I can just imagine his chest being covered in medals. On the other hand, I also tried for years to locate an old friend who was starting a business that I had a high level of interest in. I lost his phone number and couldn’t find him for years. After hearing that he moved back to California, I nearly gave up trying to find him. Then I bought a house and, after attending church in my new ward (sort of like an LDS parish), I ran into the guy. Turns out his daughter lives in my ward and he has a house in North Orem. He called me that day and I wasn’t smart enough to save his phone number. Doh!
  2. What the heck is a Bothan?I know more about Star Wars than most people, save for the true Star Wars geeks that dress up like Ewoks and get beat up by less geeky people. Star Wars fans will often listen to me tell the untold history of Star Wars (like who Mon Mothma is and what her tie is to Bail Organa and the formation of the Rebel Alliance) and other tales (such as why Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn got his butt kicked by Darth Maul’s superior fighting skills, yet some snotty Padawan (Obi-Wan Kenobi) was able to defeat him). These people then take what I’ve told them, and retell others as if they are some kind of Star Wars geek know-it-all. Then they usually get beat up for knowing way too much about Star Wars. Sadly, my knowledge is not nearly as impressive today, what with the advent of Wikipedia and the Star Wars Databank.
  3. I am descended of a Filipino Datu. A Datu is a native chief, considered royalty in a sense. However, my ancestral Datu made the mistake of falling in love and marrying one of the peasant women. He was thereafter disowned by his family and joined the normal population.
  4. not at the head of his classDespite being half Filipino, I look white enough to infiltrate the KKK, something I sometimes think of doing just so I can work my way up to Grand Numbskull (or whatever they call him), obtain full allegiance from the majority, then announcing my non-white background. Bwah hahaha!!! They would probably kill me at that point, but it might be worth it just to see the looks on their faces.
  5. I started my first blog (though without any commenting capabilities) in 1999. You can catch a glimpse of it on the Way Back Machine. A couple years later, some self-proclaimed Internet marketing guru sent me a newsletter saying that blogs would be the next big breakout marketing tool. I remember very clearly thinking, “That’s a load of crap! I had one of those blog thingers back in ’99 and it didn’t do squat for me!” I have also said that eBay Stores would fail when it was first introduced, that Google’s stock price would go down on the first day, and that the iMac would die a painful death while dragging Apple to the grave. On the other hand, I wrote a fictional story about the “Mid-East War” about a year before Desert Storm.
  6. I’m a card counter even though I’m not very good with numbers. I visit Vegas about once a year and usually come out way ahead thanks to my card counting skills at the blackjack table. However, when I went earlier this year, I somehow got counting backwards (uh, yeah. I’m really not very good with numbers.) This resulted in my betting large when the count was bad (and therefore losing) and betting small when the count was good (thereby winning, but only small amounts). I don’t think I’ve ever been more confused in my life!
  7. If the Marine Corps knocked on my door tomorrow morning, handed me a rifle that could be used with one arm, and asked me to ship out to the front for the next two years, I would pack my bags right then and there and go. In fact, there’s a good chance I’d do the same for any of the branches of the military. My wife knows this and has accepted it, probably because she knows it would never happen. Along the same lines, if NASA knocked on my door and asked me to be part of a two-year mission to Mars, I would do the same. If I had to choose between the two, my desire to fly into space and set foot on another planet would probably win out over my sense of duty and I would take the mission to Mars.

So there you have it! Oh wait, I just found out there are no death threats attached with this. Dang it all to heck!!! Uh, I guess my life isn’t in danger after all. That somehow takes the adrenalin rush away from it, doesn’t it?

I hereby tag the following. Remember, there are no death threats attached, so there is no reason to be a hater! Some of you were previously tagged, but if you didn’t respond to my previous tagging, you are getting hit again!

Clark (who is long overdue for a blog post)
Mikal (who had trouble accessing my blog the first time around)
Ryan (who threatened to kill me the first time around)

Umm… as for the other four, how about if you feel the desire to be tagged, you go ahead and tag yourself on my behalf. Now, if a piano falls on my head or I get thrown into the pit of Carkoon, it’s your fault!

3 thoughts on “My Life Has Been Threatened Yet Again

  1. Life With Buck

    Wow, excellent Stu Facts.
    #1 is very good that you are only half-hearted about it. Because years ago I whole-heartedly sent a letter to my favorite English teacher, I’d had her in both junior high and high school. I had adored her, so I wrote her and told her how I was a newspaper reporter now, and I listed all the ways she’d been a positive influence in my life and she was the reason I got to where I was today, etc. Well I never heard from her, but about a year later I was visiting my hometown and ran into her in a book store. I said, “It’s so great to see you, did you get my letter last year?” and she just shrugged her shoulders and said, “Yeah, I got it. Thanks.” So what I learned from this was … I guess teaching really is just a job.

    #3 You are the only the second person of Filipino descent that I’ve known. The first was a man who was in the bed next to my brother in Bethesda Naval Hospital. I don’t know the year, it was during the Viet Nam War, and I was a little kid. But the man couldn’t speak English, and he was there because he’d had both of his feet blown off. But he was the sweetest guy, always smiled when I was around. For the entire month my brother was there I brought his Filipino roommate candy every day and one time I brought him a Spiro Agnew watch from the gift shop, which really made him laugh. Wish I had that watch now.

    #6 I am in awe of your card counting abilities, but I have odd skill also. I am borderline retarded, as you already know from your recent IQ test post, but I can make change really excellently! I’ve never known why. I’m a change-making savant, probably. But I can’t multiply past the “five tables.” Go figure.

  2. Life With Buck

    Vietnam War. Cheese ‘n crackers, no wonder my English teacher was so unimpressed by me. I do this constantly, always have. I should have listed among my 7 factoids that there are several words I constantly misspell, Vietnam being one of them.

  3. Stu

    Well, if it makes you feel better, Viet Nam is actually an accepted spelling. I don’t see it very often, especially in America, but it does pop up every once in a while. Some writers seem to have a preference for the two-worded spelling (I, too, write for a living, so I know way too much about alternative spellings and crap). Although I did realize after it was too late that I misspelled “ow” as “owe” on your blog. Yep, I’m a smarty pants!

    I love your change making skills. The question is, do you count back change as well?

    I’m saddened by the fact that cashiers no longer count change back to you these days. But I was at a fast-food drive through one day and the cashier actually counted my change back to me. I nearly pissed myself I was so excited! I thanked her for counting my change back, and she just looked at me like I was some kind of weirdo. Probably because I had that look on my face that you make when you have to pee really bad.

    As for teachers, I actually hang out with one of my high school teachers. He was both my Public Relations teacher (we wrote articles for the local city paper) and my radio broadcasting teacher (we had a radio station I was a DJ for at my high school). It was 1992 that I graduated, but we still have lunch every now and then.

    Your teacher was probably just pissed that the teacher’s union jacked up her dues again.


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