Okay, I’m not much into politics. I have no idea what’s being said about Mitt Romney, nor do I know much about what Mitt has been saying. However, every once in a while I read something about Mitt and his Mormonism.
Usually it has to do with some crazy stat that says recent polls show that only three people in the world would vote for a Mormon for President (and, well, you know how I feel about polls).
But then sometimes I read something on MSNBC or some other news site about our pal Mitt trying to distance himself from his faith, or seeming very hesitant about answering some questions.
This Newsweek story states that Romney was very hesitant to answer the question about doing baptisms for the dead, and almost sounding like he was trying to leave the impression that he doesn’t do it anymore.
Dude, Mitt, stop being embarrassed about being a Mormon! Yeah, so the world thinks us Mormons are a bunch of crazy psychos. In Jesus’ time, a whole lot of people thought that Jesus was a crazy psycho. But that didn’t make him ashamed of who he was, did it?
Here’s a tip for you Mr. Romney. Next time somebody says, “So, you do baptisms for the dead?” You say, “Hell yeah I do them! It’s part of my freaking faith! I’m a faithful Mormon. Read Mormons for Dummies and get a grip on the fact that I’m a Mormon, because I am a Mormon and I’m freakin’ proud to be a member of God’s one true church!”
And when they say, “Uhh… okay. So why do you do baptisms for the dead. That’s kind of weird dude.”
You say, “Because I believe God asked me to do it. If God asked you to do something, wouldn’t you freakin’ do it? I do it even though the world thinks I’m a weirdo because of it. And just like Job never turned his back on God, neither will I, even if it costs me the freakin’ Presidency.”
And yeah, say “freakin’” as often as you can. That freakin’ stand up comic and pretend Mormon Johnny B makes fun of Mormons for saying “freak” so much in his “Hey Mormons are freaks” bit, so we gotta help our poor misguided brother out by giving him more material.
I know you wouldn’t still be a Mormon if what happened to me when I was 23 didn’t also happen to you.
Look, I understand that you’re tired about people asking you about your faith when you’d rather be talking about how you’re going to run the country and make it a better place for us all. And I have a great deal of respect for you for respecting others that are “not the same” as us (my mother’s entire family, including herself, are Catholic and I was one of probably three Utah Republicans that that voted AGAINST the amendment to the Utah Constitution banning gay marriage).
However, I simply cannot give you my vote unless you deal with the fact that you’re a prominent Mormon in the public eye, and can settle the “Mormon problem” by seeing that it’s not a problem at all and that there is nothing to be ashamed about being a member of God’s church.
So… the poll that asks if your Mormonism will affect my vote? It sure will. If you keep acting like you’re ashamed of being a Mormon, you certainly won’t get mine. Stand up and be proud. You’re one of God’s children, as are we all, regardless of faith. But considering that thing that happened to you that happened to me when I was 23, you will be held to a different standard. Please remember that.
10/3/2007 Edit: I was wrong, I take it all back. I explain why here.