“To Protect and Serve”, or “To Bully and Walk Around Like We’re Better Than You”?

Think about how many times you’ve gotten sick after eating at a restaurant. I can clearly remember two occasions where I left a restaurant only to stay up the entire night hurling my guts out. Once was thanks to Wendy’s, the other thanks to TGI Fridays (the latter of which I have never returned to, nor will I ever).

As much fast food as I eat, I’m surprised it hasn’t happened more often. And surprisingly, Wendy’s is still one of my favorites (I’m eating their spicy chicken combo as I write this… no kidding!) Nonetheless, I got incredibly sick after eating at these restaurants, and yet there was no recourse taken. Why? Well, what was I to do? Call the cops?

Sure. The response would have been, “There’s nothing we can do,” after which they would have hung up then laughed at my idiotic request. But boy, do things ever change when something like this happens to a cop.

Recently, a McDonald’s cook accidently spilled salt on a few hamburger patties, removed what she could, then sent them to the heating lamps. From there, a cashier served it to a cop in the drive through. The cop supposedly got sick, returned to the restaurant, questioned the manager, and finally arrested the cook that prepared his hamburger.

So, a cop eats a too-salty hamburger and some poor McDonald’s employee gets thrown in the coop? Makes me want to become a cop just so I, too, can go around arresting people that piss me off. Hey, I wouldn’t be the first guy to become a cop for the “benefits”.

Lucky for the cop, he just got a salty burger. He could have gotten boot-stomped garlic instead.

Cops love to arrest peopleJust to be clear, I respect the authority of law enforcement and I’m grateful that we have cops and the people willing to serve in that capacity. But if you’ve been around long enough to have more than a few experiences with police, then you know exactly where I’m coming from. Piss off a cop and his entire department will harass you ‘till you move out of town… or commit suicide. There’s nary an adult that I know who doesn’t think most cops are just bullies. That we’re raised and brainwashed to believe cops are the good guys doesn’t do much to counter personal experience, does it?

For all the good cops out there, keep up the good work. For the minority out there that are giving all the other cops a bad name, grow up would you?

Now hopefully this blog post doesn’t get me arrested by tomorrow. I really should know better than to mess with the Brotherhood of the Blue Shield. I just might get arrested for hurling too loudly and disturbing the peace from my 1996 TGI Friday’s food poisoning experience. What is the statute of limitations for hurling too loudly anyway?

As they haul me out of my house in front of my neighbors, all playing their *#@! car stereos way too loud out in the street, I figure I’m going to “get the shaft” one way or another, so I offer… ummm, favors to the arresting officer. Failing that, I can always hope the cop is as gullible as those in Postal 2. I’ll scream, “Look, a donut!” As the cop is distracted, I’ll make a break for it, destined to live the rest of my life on the run.

Hey, it can’t be worse than getting your butt kicked by a blind guy. That poor sap is lucky he didn’t have a gun.

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