Monthly Archives: May 2007

A Holiday I Love, From a Holiday Hater

Memorial Day is soon upon us. The three-day weekend that ushers in summer fun… or so it is celebrated.

What is Memorial Day, and why do I love it so?

Memorial Day got started after the Civil War, a war so bloody that it affected every community in every state with unfathomable loss. Grieving widows and children of fallen soldiers would take a day to visit the graves of the men who so bravely served and gave their lives so that this great nation could continue in its grandeur.

Then one day in Waterloo, shops closed down to allow its residents to visit the graves of their fallen family members who fought and died in the war. The tradition spread, and soon became a nationwide observance.

For a time, the South rebelled at what they saw as an observance of Union soldiers. The South countered with observances of their own to honor the Confederate fallen, as they should. All wars have heroes on both sides, and each should be honored as such. A true soldier serves to honor himself in the service of his country, and respects his enemy for doing the same. And when he kills his enemy counterpart, a true soldier honors the enemy soldier for his bravery, courage, and willingness to serve in a time when the willing are so few.

So this Memorial Day I take a few moments – and call upon all Americans to do the same – to say to all fallen soldiers who served with courage, distinction, and most importantly honor, may God forever bless you for your service. I shall always remember your sacrifice.

Why Having a Mormon President Would Be Bad: The Mormon “Problem”

So there’s been a lot of hoopla over Mitt Romney and his potential to become the first Mormon President of the United States. Being that I’m a Mormon myself, I’m not quite sure what the big deal is, but I want to keep an open mind so I decided to look into the “problem” a little bit.

What did I find? Well you’d better sit down folks, because it’s about to get hairy!

Mormons Once Practiced Polygamy

Ohhh… I get it now. THAT’ s why America hates Islam so much, those multi-wife marrying sinners!

Blacks Were Not Allowed to Hold Leadership Positions in the Mormon Church Until 1978

Blacks weren’t allowed to hold the Priesthood until 1978 (actually, at least one black man had the Priesthood conferred upon him by Joseph Smith back in the day). For men, you must be a Priesthood holder to be called to a leadership position.

Now, holding the Priesthood is a huge responsibility, and frankly some people would be glad if the burden were removed from them. But I can see why this might strike a chord with some people.

The problem here apparently is that church leaders were not slave owners, like many of the early (and most celebrated) U.S. Presidents were. Dang, if the church leaders had known back then how their lack of slave ownership would affect future public opinion of the church!

Or maybe the trick was to “allow” blacks to hold the Priesthood, but not actually give it to any of them, kind of like the post of U.S. President.

Mormonism is a “Heretical Cult”

Heretic: anyone who does not conform to an established attitude, doctrine, or principle.

Well thank goodness George Washington and the Continental Army conformed to the established doctrines of King George! Oh, wait a minute…

Cult: a religion or sect considered to be false, unorthodox, or extremist, with members often living outside of conventional society under the direction of a charismatic leader.

At the ripe ol’ age of 96 years and 11 months, I’m sure Mormon Prophet Gordon B. Hinckley is happy to be called “charismatic.” Unfortunately, he’s not really the leader of the Mormon Church.

“But Stu, he’s the President of the Mormon Church!” you say? He is the president, but he is not its leader, simply a tool of the Church’s true leader. Yeah, I think you know who I’m talking about.

As for being unorthodox, they’ve got a point there. I mean, the Mormon Church IS unorthodox, being that it’s run by him whom so many others claim to worship and follow. Who else is crazy enough to allow that?

Okay, back to the beginning. What have we learned here? I think basically what I said is that Mitt Romney would be a horrible choice for President of the U.S. because of the fact that he’s a Mormon, and the Mormon Church has a history that some people don’t like.

Wow… what a great reason to not vote for somebody. And here I thought I was doing good choosing a candidate based on how I think they’ll run the country. Man, I feel like an idiot! No wonder JFK’s Catholicism was such a serious “problem.”

Generally speaking, it’s the media that’s making such a hoo-hah about Mitt Romney’s faith. The general public hardly cares (well, 83% of the general public anyway according to recent polls, substantially better than polls from just a year ago indicated). So consider my post a rip on the media. Hey, they gotta have something to get all excited about.

Truth is I’m more concerned that, knowing that politicians will be politicians, Romney will place more importance on his bid for the Presidency than on his faith. It’ll just be another black eye on Mormonism if Romney doesn’t take the higher moral road in his campaign, which so far doesn’t appear to be the case.

New Place, New Fizz

After three years with one of the finest companies one could ever hope to work for, I’ve decided to take a pretty big risk by leaving Doba and going with a new start up that might just go under any day.

In my time at Doba, I watched them grow about 2,000% in annual revenue, about 900% in number of employees, and grow countless amounts in countless other ways. I leave behind over 4 weeks of paid vacation, a killer health and dental plan, company shares, and coworkers (who I consider to be close friends) that most people only ever dream of having the opportunity to work with.

As news spread, I was asked by many of my friends why I was leaving. My honest answer was that I had no good reason. I simply felt like it was time for a change.
My decision to leave was perhaps one of the hardest I’ve ever made in my life. But once I did, things happened very quickly. About two days later, without ever applying or inquiring, an offer was made to me by the folks at OrangeSoda. I accepted the next day and now here I am.

Things are a little different here. To begin with, I’m now the new guy. Nobody knows me here, whereas everybody knew me at Doba. When the first company newsletter for employees came out, my name was missing from the “new employees” list. In fact, I’m not even sure I’m on the payroll. I haven’t filled out any paperwork yet.

At Doba, I knew virtually everything about the company, its technology, and internal workings. At OrangeSoda, I know very little of those things. At Doba, I was employee #3. OrangeSoda, I’m somewhere on the order of employee #35. At Doba, I was good friends with the founders, owners, executives, and managers. Here, I’m friends with a couple of the cofounders, but am quite distant from other executives, most of whom I have yet to meet.

The good part is the “fizz”. At Doba, most of my writing had to do with educating our members, and generally had to be on a serious note. At OrangeSoda (where we handle internet marketing for businesses), most of my writing is for client content, landing pages, and the like.

Because OrangeSoda’s tagline is “Marketing… with Fizz,” I am expected to inject “fizz” into the content I write. Apparently my “fizziness” was in large part responsible for why I was chosen for this role.

While I am most comfortable writing fiction – what some might call “crazy fiction” (if only there were a Crazy Fiction category for the Nobel Prize) – the chance to inject some of my personality, something that I generally have to suppress due to the rules of society, into my work is a big relief for me.

Now, my writing strength is in fiction because, well, you get to just make stuff up. Writing an article that talks about three-headed, six-eyed monsters with snake tongues and cat’s paws generally doesn’t fly. With fiction, nobody cares!

Heck, come to think of it, my dream job might be as a writer for The Onion. Well, actually my dream job would be as a motorcycle riding black belt U.S. Marine Recon that flies F/A 18 Hornets and does secret assassinations of evil rabbits from all parts of the world.

Writing stuff that actually has to be true is a little more difficult. Perhaps most difficult for me is coming up with real stuff to actually write about. Here at OrangeSoda, I rarely need to come up with my own stuff. Our clients come to me and say, “Write us an article about three-headed, six-eyed monsters with snake tongues and cat’s paws,” and I’m good to go.

Anyway, after three days at OrangeSoda, things are so far so good. I haven’t had enough time to really observe the culture, but people overall seem like a pretty cool bunch. Nobody’s threatened my life or given me a random kick to the crotch yet, so I’ve gotta wonder how good it really is.

Anyway, I’ll keep you up to date.

KBULL Apologizes to Save Face

Things have been busy as of late, but I felt I should mention that the guys over at KBULL (see my last post) have decided to apologize for their gaffe extraordinaire.

Is it sincere? Of course it is… if by sincere you mean, “Sincerely sorry word got out about what horrible people they are.”

I can only give them props for making the right move after the fact. Hey, I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life, and I’m glad nobody’s blogging about them ;)

Hopefully they learn from it, but I can’t help but feel that old dogs don’t learn new tricks very well. My guess is that the DJ’s who committed this horrible act haven’t become any more caring for others than before. But hey, life goes on.

Coming soon:

  • I have very sadly left the greatest place in the world to work.
  • Local driver runs a red light.
  • Orange soda is good stuff.
  • Why having a Mormon president is so bad.
  • More craziness.

Until next time…

K-BULL 93 (emphasis on BULL) Does It Again

Here in Utah, around 1993, the radio station known as Z-93 (a classic rock station) was getting ready to change hands. During the transition, they played nonstop the sound of a robotic voice counting down the days and hours. What the voice was counting down to, nobody really knew.

Personally, I didn’t care. The voice reminded me of Stephen Hawking, a personal hero of mine, and so I thought it was cool. Then when the countdown was finished, they started playing… *gasp* …country music!!!

That they took away my opportunity to endlessly listen to a Stephen Hawking impersonator count away the hours was bad enough. But to add insult to injury by playing country music… I didn’t think they’d ever be able to top my disappointment.

Well, just a couple days ago they did just that.

Those who know me understand my position on the American military, and how much I respect those who choose to serve. And just so we’re straight on this, the American military is an all volunteer force. Once you decide to serve, I don’t want to hear a lick of whining from anybody about how difficult or hard it is to do their duty. Serving one’s country is a right and an HONOR! It’s also hard, much more difficult than most Americans are willing to put up with, and for that I respect their decision to serve.

And while a whining serviceman or servicewoman makes me wanna vomit until I can vomit no more, those who pretend to support those in the service then turn around and stab them in the back make wanna just… well, if I said how it makes me feel, it could get me in a lot of trouble. If there’s one thing Drill Instructor Sergeant Newton taught me, it was to know when to lock it up.

And thus we come back around to the bull-oney bastards for whom this rant is directed at.

K-BULL 93, supposed supporters of our troops and their families, offered movie tickets to a military wife who earlier in the day had seen her husband off as he returned to Iraq to complete his deployment (as far as I can tell, he had a couple weeks of leave, and was returning to Iraq to finish his tour).

After waiting on hold for some time (30 minutes according to one witness) to give her information to the bull-oney eaters, she was disconnected. After calling back, she was referred to the station’s business office whereupon she called the business office, received no answer, and so left a message.

The office never called back, and the military wife never received her tickets.

The military wife’s good friend, anxious to do the things that good friends do for each other, emailed the station to report the situation and asked hopefully if there was anything they could do to make things right. A few other friends, also trying to help out, sent emails to the station as well.

At this point, all is well. There was just a misunderstanding, and a few friends were letting the radio station know how disappointing it was for their friend to have things fall through, and anything the station could do to rectify the situation would be great.

So how did the bull-oney freaks respond? By calling the military wife and yelling at her for getting her friends to gang up on the radio station and “inundate” them with email. And that’s just the beginning. Catch a more complete story here:

Now, let it be known that I have no idea whether this is a true story or not. But I do know somebody that knows somebody that knows the original story teller. They all swear it’s true, and that’s good enough for me. Plus, I’m still pissed that they got rid of the Stephen Hawking impersonator!

I hereby call upon all those within Utah to avoid listening to K-BULL-oney 93 at all costs! Furthermore, let’s show them the true meaning of “inundate.” Fire up your emails boys and girls and go to town!

Optionally, you can attend events held by the bull-oney eaters and throw tomatoes at them or something. Make sure they are rotten tomatoes, not the hard green ones you buy at the store. We don’t want anybody getting hurt now do we?

If you’re lazy like me, just call the station at 801-485-6700

Have fun, and remember, ummm… just get to work!