Halt the war in Iraq! Forget the Taliban in Afghanistan! Stop sending food to starving children in Africa!
There is a far greater problem among us, and we must destroy this threat immediately! Left unchecked, over 60,000 people will continue being murdered every year, with the number increasing annually, by this hideous, evil, pernicious, heinous, nefarious, Mephistophelian (yes, I just said Mephistophelian) threat to human kind.
Those who don’t die from its evil death ray end up suffering cataracts, even blindness! What is this unspeakable horror? I untractably present…
Yes, that’s right. According the the World Health Organization (WHO), the sun kills more than 60,000 people every year, and leaves thousands more with cataracts and even blindness! Astonishing. And here I thought the sun was our ally. Now I find that it is our oldest enemy.
Write your congressman and senator today! DESTROY THE SUN!
Well, I can say that my coworker and… well, yeah, I’ll call him a friend, though not a “good” friend. I reserve that for people who bring me really yummy foods to my house. Anyway, my friend and coworker Buck doesn’t read this, so I’m gonna talk about him here. BWAH HAHAHA!
In fact, how about a comparison of myself to him? Here are several reasons why I’m better than him:
- I’m half Asian, half European, so I get the best of two worlds.
- I’m not from that heck hole known as Ogden. Boo Raptors!
- I’m a California native.
- I served in the military… sort of. Hey, at least I tried!
- With a standard issue M-16 A2 rifle, I can repeatedly and consistently hit a man from 500 yards, no scope, no bipod or other accessory support.
- I can do one-armed push ups, and have been able to since I was a teenager.
- I did 20 pullups once (the first 14 without stopping). I could have done more, but since it was for the military, and points gained maxed out at 20, I didn’t see any point in continuing.
- Buck is cool, but I’m super-duper cool!
- Despite his lies to the contrary, I coined the term “biz op”.
- Star Trek RULES!
- I am a fun box, Buck is a “freesource center”.
- Buck admitted, though facetiously, that I am cool.
- When I attempt to speak Cantonese, I sound like a 2-year-old (according to Buck). Hey, that’s pretty dang cool isn’t it?
- I have posted a minimum of 3 posts per month to my blog since starting it — save for “Black November” when I posted none.
- I am full of anger and hatred, whereas Buck only pretends to be.
- I have been formally trained and desensitized to kill other humans.
- I quit drinking years ago.
Ah crap, I’ll be here all week long if I don’t stop now! So there you have it. And for anybody that’s thinking about running off and telling Buck that he needs to read my blog… well, let’s just say your death is likely to be very slow and excrutiatingly painful. I mean, I’m just guessing about that. I’m not psychic or anything, I’m just saying that, you know, if you were to tell Buck. I don’t know, your death, when it comes, not to say it would be soon or anything, but if it did happen to be soon, it would probably be a very long and unpleasant experience. But, not that I would actually know for sure, I’m just saying. You know?
Friends of Buck, don’t think that I’m saying Buck’s a bad guy… I’m just saying that I’m better.
tribute to Buck, the Dread Pirate
I have to tell you, I love my country. Today, more than any other, when I see the patriotism of this great nation it makes me… well, soft in the heart.
There are a certain kind of people that we had to call upon to gain our freedom. These people were soldiers and warriors. This post is for those who did and do serve their country’s military with honor (if some images don’t show, try refreshing):
Iraqi Soldiers Raising the Flag of a Free Nation
Iraqi Soldiers Serving Alongside Americans
Taking Care of Business in Fallujah
Once a Marine, Always a Marine
Thank you to all members of the U.S. military who fight to keep our nation free, and to help those who cannot help themselves. GOD BLESS YOU ALL!
Happy Independence Day!
May She Forever Fly Free
So there was a false rumor going around the office that a certain Dread Pirate had outscored me at a certain time wasting game.
Let the truth be revealed!
Before any more false rumors get started around the office regarding the amount of time on my hands (and which could result in my firing)… I achieved this greatness while at home, on a Friday evening, while my wife was at work, and the kids were getting ready for bed. I played the game only twice and stopped after achieving this magnificent score.