Conference weekend is coming up, which got me thinking, “What is it about General Conference that causes all the bugs, worms, and other nasties to come crawling out from beneath their rocks?
For the non-Mormons who live outside Utah, General Conference refers to the semi annual conference held by the Mormon Church.
These bugs, worms, and others which are commonly referred to as “idiots”, occassionally called “protesters” by the media, come out every six months like clockwork. Coincidentally, their mating season coincides with the time and place of the Mormon Conference. Weird, huh?
I’ve done some extensive scientific studies on these creatures, and have conferred with several entimologists on this matter, and I have concluded that these “idiot bugs” serve no useful purpose. So I thought of gathering a group of people who wish to make the world a better place and exterminate these so called idiot bugs.
My group and I will be offering up training on how to recognize the truly useless idiot bugs from the ones that are less harmful, and as of yet have not been determined to serve no purpose.
Those bugs who shout and scream, use megaphones, hold deragatory signs, and so forth need a good spraying from a mix of xanthine and oxypurinol (thanks to Clark for getting me the chemical combination used to disrupt the growth and reproduction of cockroaches).
But seriously, remember the numbnuts that was desecrating Mormon garments? What did that idiot expect? He got off easy as far as I’m concerned. Try doing that with a prayer shawl in front of a mosque and you’re likely to meet with a 7.62mm round to the head (coicidentally, the same diameter of the bullet used by the famed AK-47).
So for other idiots, keep desecrating those things which we consider to be sacred. Yeah, that’s a great way to get converts to your church, which by the way, if you haven’t read the Book of Mormon lately I’m obliged to tell you that if you’re not with us (the Mormon Church), you’re WITH SATAN!